when was i 17…?
ah yes. summer of 05…
it was the 4th of july, i was floating the river with two of my closest girlfriends.
oh, for those foriegn to the term “floating the river”, basically its a bunch of tubes, and bunch of beer, some drunk people, and a big ass river.
the three of us floating the river…three girls just about to enter their senior year of high school. what the hell else are we gonna talk about.
sex? uh duh.
despite being the oldest of our little trifecta (and by oldest i only mean by half a year, i’d say), i was the last virgin. the girls started getting on me the way teens do to their friends about why why why were you still a virgin??
well, i’ll tell ya why. because over the past year or so i had seen each of my girlfriends lose it to some guy they cared about more than they could express, and i had also seen each of these relationships go down in a blaze of smeared mascara and stained reputations, and each of these girls lost their mind a little when it happened [understatement] i didn’t want that for me. i didn’t want to give that satisfaction to anyone, so i kinda thought like a guy in that moment…
i decided in order to avoid the ultimate heartbreak of being hurt by the guy i lost it too, i would get it out of the way with some guy i didn’t really care that much about losing. in my head i chose a guy named Tommy i had been talking to casually for a couple weeks, and suggested tonight be the night to the girls.
after their initial flip-out shriekfest reaction they agreed i wouldn’t fly solo tonight, that we would all hook up that night. i know, pretty much the plot line for oh-so-many teen comedies you KNOW its not going to work.
you can be the judge of that.
so the three of us, to seal the deal, each had to spit in the river. it never occurred to me how irnoic it is such a juvenile act was the pinky promise that would lead to my “becoming a woman” so to speak.
it was in the backseat of my girl friend’s Corolla. we used protection. it was incredibly awkward. i couldn’t even see him, his face, or it. but i think i know i’m glad i didn’t see it. we didn’t get naked. he only pulled his pants down far enough as he needed. there was no making out really, no sweet talking [he told me i was hot but what’s that worth?] no music, no emotion. it didn’t feel good. i remember the whole time i was thinking “this is it?”
about 6 minutes in a realized Tommy’s jackass friend Dusty was watching us thru the window.
Guys n Dolls practice.
i’m a small role, a Hot Box dancer named Mimi.
tonight my director tells me he wants me to make my little bit “a moment with the Hot Box dancer from Hell”…and all this time i’ve been trying to keep it under control, cuz i know, i give the Shrillness an inch and its gonna take fifty miles.
i’ve known Panda for just over two years now…
it was Little Shop of Horrors. i was Ronette. he was Audrey II. well, The Voice at least. since then we’ve been in many-many-many shows together, and became pretty damn close, i’d say. we’ve been confiding to each other for about a year now, if not that then venting, hahaha… a lot of those close to us have said it was really just a matter of time before this happened.
“this”, meaning us falling for each other fast and hard. at least thats what seems to be the case. its like we’ve both got an equally bad case of smitten-kitten-itis. its disgusting, really. i’ve basically become one of those couples i hate. but i can’t complain really. its conflicting!
yesterday Panda and i were standing in his room, and somehow it got to this…
P: i loke you.
S: …you what me?
P: i…(suddenly very embarrassed) lo….aww i can’t say it its stupid now, its just ‘cause i feel like i can’t say “i like you” ‘cause that seems so weak now, i know its stronger than just “like”. but i can’t say the….other one of course, since we’re not ready for that…
(i am fiercely nodding in agreement here, probably a little too enthusiastically…aww well… i was smiling/giggling, just cuz i couldn’t, hell, i still can’t, get over his term “loke” he had thrown together.)
P: …so i figured just combine the two and you get loke! (beams down at me for say, 3 seconds, quickly followed by-) …is that too incredibly lame?
well of course, i didn’t think it was lame at all. who wouldn’t get a kick out of a 6’3” man mountain (i exaggerate hehe) act like this for some doll? ignoring the fact its adorable that is…
since telling him, no, its not lame, its cute, he’s probably said it 6 times*
alright, given its a little messed up to start a blog with chaos, so, given that being the case, i should save the heavier stuff for a later time…thinkin’ i’ll just talk about my morning at work.
i wake up about 5:40 am to be at work at 6am. no time to really worry about make up, and if a brush touches my hair in the morning its maybe three swipes and out the door. it doesn’t matter, since i count money at a grocery store in a cave of an office for my entire shift. no one sees me, so why get all diddy up at ungodly hours?
i fall behind on accounting junk because i’m too busy texting. the boys call me Thumbs. i get particularly distracted because A) old buddy Ducky pops by for a hello and i haven’t seen him since…well, a very long time. and B) Panda texts me and it takes a turn for the suggestive. bad enough the office has no windows, no ventalation, and is the size of a dog crate, now add to the fact i’ve got the “naughty thoughts a-brewin” sweats…
all in all…
oh well…
ps: no, not everyone i associate with is named after an animal, just fyi.
